Build muscle mass, optimize your workout, save your precious time.

Every great king was once a peasant, every skyscraper was once a blueprint and every shredded sick kunt was once a frail chested weakling. You don’t have to ram a steroid needle in your ass and you don’t have to give up all your precious time to look like an Adonis. What you do need is to abide by the 5 laws of gains, get on the path to feeling and looking like the man of the year.

Law 1: Super Sets


Super sets were originally founded in the year 2,000 B.C. by Hades greek god of the under world. He knew people despised him, to add insult to injury he invented the muscle bursting, pump tightening superset. The trick is to pick one exercise, say biceps, train them and then immediately without rest, train another muscle group like triceps. It’s all about efficiency and shaving precious time off your workout so you can get back to cashing those checks and living like a boss.

Law 2: Home Body


People think that you have to be at the gym 6 times a week to build muscle mass but truth is there’s a balance. You can go to the gym minimum 3 times per week and then on you’re off days, workout from home with 3 simple exercises: pushups, squats and crunches. If you have a few dumbbells or a pull up bar that attaches to the door, even better. While you’re watching TV you can do these exercises during commercials. If you’re someone like me, who works from his laptop, you can set a timer every hour and do 3 sets of them. Taking these breaks to exercise actually increases productivity and gives your mind a rest.

Pro Tip: If you go to the gym during rush hour, chances are you’ll find it difficult to get the machine or the barbell you want to use. People are notorious for training chest on a Monday, train your legs instead. For one, you get leg day over with and two, from my experience at three different gyms, people rarely train legs on a monday.

Law 3: Water


If you don’t feel like you have to piss every hour, you aint doin it right. Athletes pound water periodically throughout the day and for good reason. Think of your body as a finely tuned machine, you pump it full of garbage like energy drinks, soda, absurd amounts of coffee it’s going to run like that rust bucket, piece of shit, Toyota Camry your aunt gifted you. No, what you really wanted was that o so sweet matte black finished corvette with a 500+ HP engine that purrs like a liger. Not only do you want your body to personify a finely tuned sports car but girls do too. No girl wants an ignoramus fat fuck with cheato fingers that sits on the couch all day watching re-run episodes of Seinfeld.

It’s science bitch! According to this study, It’s proven that if you drink about 6 cold cups of water a day your metabolism ramps up, helping you burn an extra 50 calories per day. May not seem like much but that translates to over 5lbs of weight loss per year to help you build sculpted six-pack abs you’ve always wanted. Other benefits include: improved kidney function, improved cellular energy and……. elephantitis dick. Can confirm, will not make your penor bigger but will aid your body in processing mass building supplements. Which leads to the next law of gains…

Law 4: Creatine Monohydrate


Monohydrate is the one and only extensively studied supplement proven to help you pack on lean mass and increase strength. Supplement companies want to make a buck off you with new types of creatine like HCL. Don’t give into the marketing scams or the bro-science, just do yourself a favor and take monohydrate. It’s the one studied by seasoned researchers and not gullible forum members who live with their mom’s.

Law 5: Failure


Feel like your gonna hit that wall, push through it. Every time you feel like you’re on the brink of exhaustion, pick those fucking weights up and push out reps until you herniate or drop dead. High intensity, medium volume, high weight is the secret weapon to building serious mass. Make your compound movement exercises high volume(10-15 rep range) ie. squats, deadlifts, chest press. Make isolation exercises medium volume(6-8 rep range). Every time you think you’re about to give up, picture Candice Swanepoel in some red laced panties just biting her lip, inviting you to come fuck her but you can only bang her if you bang out those extra reps. If that doesn’t motivate you, then picture somebody with a 9mm pointed at your head. You don’t pick up those weights and keep em moving you’re as good as dead. Fight or flight pussy. Kill weights or be killed. Thrive.